From the forthcoming book, How to Talk With Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace, about Anything … and Enjoy it. The Art of Mindful Conversation.
Conversation.
Some
love it. Some fear it. This for sure, you won’t go far without it.
Conversation feeds the soul. Or starves it. Maybe it’s the conversation
in the car pool on the way to work. Or around the BBQ at the family
picnic. Maybe it’s meeting a friend for dinner or meeting a stranger in
line at the DMV. Or a tired wife telling her husband about a day at the
office. So common, conversation is like the nose on your face. Not
worth much thought. But without that nose, where would you be?
Conversation
is the glue that holds us together - and sometimes the chasm that
splits us apart. Conversations are where friendship are made and deals
are sealed, where careers begin and where love blossoms. Conversations
are tools for learning and crucibles for healing. A conversation is an
invitation to learn and explore, to share who you are, to connect with
one’s self and with another, and to enjoy the dance of being alive
together. Conversation is more like play than work. It is not about
what you know, but about who you are. More about being, less about
doing. Real conversations are spontaneous, open-ended, growing out of a
desire to connect with others, not to impress or convince or win. No
common language required. Some of the most delightful conversations I’ve
ever had came about when my conversation partner and I, through grunts
and points and flapping of arms and letting go of fear and personal
agendas or attempts to impress, created a common stage, where we
performed our own inpromptu play. We met at a deep level without
expectation, weaving meaning out of gesture and intent, travelers with
nothing in common but our souls and a willingness to enjoy our moment
together.
“Sure,” I hear you say, “But ‘Anyone.’ How to talk with anyone?”
“Yes,
anyone,” I say. You may not want to talk with anyone, and anyone may
not want to talk with you, but if you want, then it can happen.
“And how can I possibly talk about topics I know noting about?“ You shake your head in disbelief.
“More about being,” I say. “Not necessarily knowing. You need to be open and curious and interested. That’s the essence”
Some walk away in disgust at this. Some nod and say, “Oh, that’s simple.”
My turn to shake my head. “Simple but not easy,” I say.
